Grace

A word I am thinking a lot about lately.  It is Mya’s middle name…..and it is in the title of the book I am reading….and it is something that we certainly want to communicate to our children as we raise them.  It is something that God passes on to us and we should do likewise.  We have been challenged lately with Mya.  Overall, she has become a very respectful, obedient little girl.  She loves to please others and looks out for her sisters.  She helps me out all the time and has been known to say out of the blue, “Mommy, is there anything I can do right now to help make things easier for you?”  She is only five! She is a good girl.  But when it comes to sleeping, we have struggled with her.  She does not like to go to sleep…for naps or at night.  She wakes up multiple times throughout the night to come into our room and just give us a kiss (which was okay in the beginning, but makes us tired and cranky in the morning due to being woken up many times).  We have our biggest battles with her about sleep.  She gets scared at night and we have tried to work with her on that.  She just plain doesn’t like to take a nap.  And most of the time that is fine with me, expect when I know that she didn’t sleep much the night before and I know she really needs the sleep.  She has turned the sleep battles into very big ones….or I could say that we have turned the sleep battles into big ones too.  After having a power struggle with her a few nights ago, Dan and I sat up talking about how to work with her by maybe using a different approach.  We decided that we needed to take a completely different approach and help her calm herself before we discussed the topic of disrespect or disobeying.  See what happens is she gets worked up and then acts defiant.  When in fact, we think, that if the fear is addressed then it wouldn’t even need to become a battle.  The fear and the disobedience get jumbled up sometimes…..as we try to discern true fear versus just not wanting to go to sleep. For nap time, all she wants is to sleep at my side or on me.  But sometimes that isn’t always a possibility if I have chores to do.  So yesterday I had the chance to experiment with her.  She dug her heels in with her nap, it escalated, she got worked up because I wanted her to obey and take her nap, and finally I gave up the fight and took her in my arms.  I held her and rocked her and she calmed quickly.  And what came from that experience was a confession on her part about her specific fears.  So we talked about them and she climbed into bed and took her nap. 

So this is where the “grace” comes into play. We realize how much more intentional we need to be to extend grace to the kids and respect their fears and dislikes.  We realize that we need to take a second look at the issue that we are fighting them on.  We realize that grace can be extended in many areas as long as obedience and respect are growing in their lives.  Another quick example…..we are getting ready to walk to Wal-Mart (one of our fun family activities at night). Mya asked me if she could wear her purse while we walked there.  I instantly went to say “no” and then I looked at Dan, reconsidered my response, and said “sure!”  I said to Dan, “Is there any reason why I should say no?  Is there anything wrong with her carrying her purse to Wal-Mart?”  We both decided that we say the word “no” too often and we should start to consider why we are saying it and if it is even necessary.  So far….I really like grace-based parenting!