I was given an hour and a half today....alone....all by myself....no kids....just me. What to do with myself? I could either exercise or go to the coffee shop and read. I chose the coffee shop. So here I am, sitting by myself, able to think and reflect and recharge. I got here at 9:00 and spent 45 minutes deciding which book to download on my Nook. And now that I decided it is taking another 15 minutes to download. Maybe it is time for an upgrade on our IPad? But since the book thing didn't work out yet I have had time to just sit here and think about life. This month we have had quite a lesson in trusting God. There seem to be so many uncertainties that we are facing. Dan is trying to get his business off the ground, which he is doing great at, but it is still challenging. We had a pay freeze because we were in between jobs. And just when I started to hold so tight to our money situation, God revealed how it would all work out. I get so tense when I don't know how things will work. But last week I went on a run in the afternoon and verbally gave all I was holding on to to God. I released and it was so freeing. Hopefully no one was outside when I ran by their house saying loudly, "Yes God...I give it all to you!" So this week we had enough for gas and groceries and some extra. And next week we get paid. Ironically enough, all the bills that are due are not due until the day of our big paycheck. Nothing is due any earlier than that, which is unusual. That is just how the month worked out. So why did I doubt God? Because I fear the uncertain. This morning I was reading in Matthew about Peter walking on the water. And God says, "Why did you doubt?" Ugh!....such a tough lesson to learn.
I am at a crossroads personally with trying to figure out what things might look like next year with the kids and with me. And I wonder about the future with me once the kids are older. There are about 5 different jobs that I have considered....some of them requiring some more schooling. If that is the case, when should I start that? So many questions....unanswered. Do you think God designed it that way? I mean, if I knew all the answers, why would I need Him? I wouldn't.....that is sad. So I continue to praise Him in the uncertain times. And I release my control on a daily basis. I am so glad I have a God who blesses me with grace on a regular basis!
Last night we had friends over for dinner. They were our friends in California during the last part of our stay there. Dan and Matt knew each other in high school. He is a pastor and we were so thankful to attend his church for a short time when we lived in Stockton. It was wonderful to reunite and our girls loved having more little girls to play with at our house.
Well....I now have 10 minutes left. I think my book has finally downloaded and I might read the first chapter. That will get me hooked so I can read more at nap time today.