A Story

I believe that stories of redemption.....or transformation....are meant to be told.  I don't see any reason to keep them to ourselves.  Because what they demonstrate and what they share are testimonies of God's grace.  And I think it is beautiful when that happens.  I was just talking with a group of women the other day as we were planning our "talk" for the high school students this Sunday.  We were talking about how awesome it is to have the Lord who transforms, molds and shapes us into something even better.  We have the hope and security from Him that makes our hearts more beautiful as we learn and grow and experience life.  We truly experience life abundantly because of Christ.  No one said life would be easy just because you accept Christ.  In fact, I think sometimes it might be harder.

So today I share a story that is near and dear to my heart.  I have shared bits and pieces of it, but never put it all together in my blog.  During our time in California and especially once we got home, I was escalating on the inside.  But I didn't know it until it was too late.  I had stifled a lot of feelings and thoughts and ideas and came to the point that I realized I had a lot to share and it needed to get out.  Unfortunately, it came out as a "meltdown."  The kind that is very embarrassing...that you wish you could undo...but you can't.  The kind that left Dan and me very vulnerable and at a crossroads.  It was my birthday party...August 29, 2012...and I was at the point where I was ready to explode.  And I did.  We ordered Chipotle for my party because I thought it would be easier on everyone else.  The orders got all messed up, I was frustrated with Dan and one comment was made that allowed for the tears to just stream out.  I cried in front of my guests.  No one had a clue what was going on or why I was upset.  Dan and I went inside at that moment and were surrounded by his mom and aunt.  They listened, they talked, and listened some more.  They helped us sort things out for the time being so we could join the party again. Dan spent some time with his uncle so he could talk things out.  It was just completely a mess and something I wouldn't want to do again.  But without this eruption, the beautiful transformation that has taken place simply wouldn't have happened.  God used this experience to do a marvelous work in my life, Dan's life and in our children's lives.  To God be the glory for what came of this.

So what caused the eruption?  Looking back it was a lot of suppressing of feelings, not sharing with Dan when I should have.  It was a lot of not being true to myself.  Instead of working as a team with Dan, I just held back and let bitterness take root.  But most importantly it was about letting go of perfectionism and learning to love who God made me to be. 

Here is where the story gets good!  We had to pick up the pieces after this incident.  Dan had a lot of questions for me.  He was confused and hurt.  We had a lot of talking to do.  And talking is exactly what we did....a lot of it.  And this is where the change took place.  God used that time of talking to the wee hours of the night.  He used it to help us see deeper into each other's hearts.  He used it to grow us much closer together.  He used it to make us better people.  He used it for His glory.

We recovered beautifully....but it wasn't easy.  It took a lot of hard work on our part.  We talked and we dated and we worked 110% on our relationship.  We courted each other, we set goals and worked on them.  We rekindled our admiration for each other.  The love never went away. 

While all of these changes were taking place, Dan took a job at a nearby hospital and worked there for a year.  He wanted to pursue a travelling job again, but I didn't want him to.  So he settled for a job that was just okay for him.  Now fast forward to the Fall of 2013 and he had the itch to research travelling jobs yet again.  Through my mentoring time with a wonderful woman from church I was challenged to explore the tight hold that I had on Dan and his job.  I was terrified to have him change and wanted to control that aspect of our life.  But one evening I let it go.  I gave it to God and had peace.  So now the story gets even cooler!  As soon as I let go and confessed to Dan....God moved.  Dan began researching travel jobs but nothing was working out.  At the same time, we got a random Facebook message from a friend that Dan worked with when we were first married.  He messaged Dan because the company that he works for wanted to start a business in Ohio.  They needed a director for Ohio and he highly recommended Dan for the job.  Dan decided to pursue the lead and one thing led to another and.......he is in that job now.  He works from home, he is learning a business, and he has room to grow in the job. 

As a family, we are closer and stronger than ever.  We love to be together, we have developed common interests and are being knit tight.  I joke around about getting married again (to Dan of course) because we are that much more in love then when we met.  I love him in new ways and the love just seems to get deeper and stronger with time.  We came to a crossroads in 2012 and we followed God's lead.  And we are better because of it.  My message to any young couple out there would be to NOT expect your new husband to "complete" you.  That is never going to happen because you have to be complete in Christ.  Your mission should be to allow God to change you....in fact, you should be begging for God to change you....instead of trying to change everyone else.